We had a big storm last night that filled the air with big beautiful flakes of snow. I, of course, was dancing during the snowfall and was watching it out the window as I giddily led my friends around the dance floor to a student compiled playlist of tango music. Leading is so much fun! I'm enjoying my tango community so much and know it's going to be hard to leave the friends I've made here but I guess that's just how those things work: as soon as I relax because there is going to be change my environment shifts as well~ actually, I guess I'm the only one shifting and the rest is perspective!
I'm looking forward to seeing an old friend this weekend with some favorite musicians from the area. I used to be so involved with the local music scene and then I became sort of a homebody for a long time. I've finally broken out of that by living on my own but tango has filled up my evenings instead of the fun open mics I used to LOVE! So it'll be good to dance and hear the music of those friends again :)
I also have a sleepover this weekend!! After a 5 day weekend up in Portland with two good friends from tango the 3 of us realized we wanted to relive some of our silly hotel room ridiculousness! It was so nice to have fun and be goofy (my most natural state of being :) with women who live me and also know how to get in touch with their inner child as well. These women could be my moms and I relate to them so easily, as well as trust them and look for their support. Those types of friendships are my favorite and I've collected a few of these women over the years giving me several surrogate mothers...and friends!
I haven't gotten my passport back yet and I'm trying to buy my plane ticket and get my visa this weekend! I called the passport people but they didn't have anything to offer. So I'm just sittin here waiting.
Meanwhile everything I own is in boxes because of the mold that was found in my cottage. Someone said I could sue the landlord but that seems excessive. It would be nice to have some kind of monetary compensation if that isn't too much of a stretch so I don't have to work through the end of the month. I feel like I need to look into that more though. She offered compensation so I just need to figure out what I want.
It's hard being between houses right now what with the mold, my stuff being packed up and my boyfriend and I splitting up. (At this point I'm still hoping we can do this trip together but I know he's having a hard time and isn't sure he wants to come along :( Anyway, I'm currently sleeping at my grandparents but I'm pretty sure my constant comings and goings are making them anxious and I'm looking into finding an alternate place to stay until I leave. If I could get that compensation I wouldn't have to work which might help us all at my grandparents house to feel more comfortable and relaxed.
There's so much going on right now especially with this trip/move happening and it's pretty crazy day to day. I'm having trouble getting as much sleep as I'd like! Though I'm not taking classes I have been teaching a lot of tango as well as learning as I go! This weekend I'm teaching a sign language workshop at the community college which I'm excited about but haven't finished preparing for yet. I plan to spend tomorrow afternoon working on that between work and tango!
This morning I'm babysitting for a teacher and nurse and getting their two kids to school before I have work. Time to make breakfast! It's fun to play mom but not have it be my full time job yet ;) it's good practice for the real thing. I feel like I'll be a pro by then! ;)
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Livin it up
2-20(ish?)-12
I appear to have lost my sensibilities and seem to be thinking like a senior in high school, counting the days til graduation and forgetting my responsibilities, sense of values and ability to use good judgment! It's a total blast but it's not really who I am OR the point of this whole expedition in the first place.
What is the point?
*I wrote this toward the end of February but I guess I never published it, it only got saved as a draft. I wanted to share the emotions though.
I appear to have lost my sensibilities and seem to be thinking like a senior in high school, counting the days til graduation and forgetting my responsibilities, sense of values and ability to use good judgment! It's a total blast but it's not really who I am OR the point of this whole expedition in the first place.
What is the point?
*I wrote this toward the end of February but I guess I never published it, it only got saved as a draft. I wanted to share the emotions though.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
{I got no strings to hold me down}
I'm in the process of preparing to up and leave my life as I know it to go explore Australia and wherever else I end up! I've had a cozy little routine for the last five years working as a preschool teacher, babysitting, steady boyfriends, sports and outdoorsiness.. But about 6 months ago I knew it was time to make a change.
I moved out of my boyfriends house in need of my own space; I've been feeling too dependent on him (and many other people in my life) and wanted to challenge myself to live on my own. Well, I ended up moving in with a family I did part time care giving for and while I made a great friend in Carol, having someone BE dependent on me is not the same as me being independent!
At about the same time I moved, I also changed jobs. I went from a place where I was pretty much at the top of the ladder, well respected by my fellow staff, the families I worked with and very loved by the familiar community of children. I switched jobs for government benefits. I switched because everyone told me I should. It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up, they told me. Well, it turns out it just wasn't a good fit. Good people, good community, wonderful children of course, but completely different philosophy. I could make it work if I was desperate for work, but I'm not and there are too many things I'd rather do differently.
Then there's my community. I recently submerged myself in the art of Argentine Tango and am absolutely infatuated with it! I've been dancing since January '10 but didn't immerse myself until recently.. in trying to fill the evenings now that I'm not in a cozy house with my cozy boyfriend. Anyway, I started assistant teaching and am currently dancing and teaching 4 nights a week at least! And I Love it!
My favorite people to spend time with are part of the tango community and everyone else I attempt to convert! I've never been awesome at relationships in terms of maintaining friendships. I'm so lucky to have my best friend since kindergarten still by my side (even though she's almost 900 miles away! And several good friends from my high school years. I guess I'm just picky about the people I trust. I don't mean to push people away but I sometimes forget to be open to other ways of doing things (this is what makes my current job difficult.) There is always more than one perspective~ I try to remind myself.
Then there's family, people I love and will always love but we make each other crazy. I'm ready to define myself away from the umbrella they have so generously tried to hold over me. I am so grateful to all of them and want to take what I've learned and discover who I am in this world.
So I'm off at the end of March!
Goodbye to my job, goodbye to my community, goodbye to my family, and eventually goodbye to my boyfriend. Just me taking on the world. Really though, I think it'll be more like Me taking on Me.
There's so much to do to prepare but ultimately there are blue skies ahead. I'd like to keep this updated but I won't promise anything. I also plan to keep a journal. Paper is so much nicer to read :) Anyway, it's something my children or grandchildren can read and have~ who knows what the Internet will be like by then!
Nap-time is almost over now and the kiddos are waking up so back to life as I know it now.
I moved out of my boyfriends house in need of my own space; I've been feeling too dependent on him (and many other people in my life) and wanted to challenge myself to live on my own. Well, I ended up moving in with a family I did part time care giving for and while I made a great friend in Carol, having someone BE dependent on me is not the same as me being independent!
At about the same time I moved, I also changed jobs. I went from a place where I was pretty much at the top of the ladder, well respected by my fellow staff, the families I worked with and very loved by the familiar community of children. I switched jobs for government benefits. I switched because everyone told me I should. It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up, they told me. Well, it turns out it just wasn't a good fit. Good people, good community, wonderful children of course, but completely different philosophy. I could make it work if I was desperate for work, but I'm not and there are too many things I'd rather do differently.
Then there's my community. I recently submerged myself in the art of Argentine Tango and am absolutely infatuated with it! I've been dancing since January '10 but didn't immerse myself until recently.. in trying to fill the evenings now that I'm not in a cozy house with my cozy boyfriend. Anyway, I started assistant teaching and am currently dancing and teaching 4 nights a week at least! And I Love it!
My favorite people to spend time with are part of the tango community and everyone else I attempt to convert! I've never been awesome at relationships in terms of maintaining friendships. I'm so lucky to have my best friend since kindergarten still by my side (even though she's almost 900 miles away! And several good friends from my high school years. I guess I'm just picky about the people I trust. I don't mean to push people away but I sometimes forget to be open to other ways of doing things (this is what makes my current job difficult.) There is always more than one perspective~ I try to remind myself.
Then there's family, people I love and will always love but we make each other crazy. I'm ready to define myself away from the umbrella they have so generously tried to hold over me. I am so grateful to all of them and want to take what I've learned and discover who I am in this world.
So I'm off at the end of March!
Goodbye to my job, goodbye to my community, goodbye to my family, and eventually goodbye to my boyfriend. Just me taking on the world. Really though, I think it'll be more like Me taking on Me.
There's so much to do to prepare but ultimately there are blue skies ahead. I'd like to keep this updated but I won't promise anything. I also plan to keep a journal. Paper is so much nicer to read :) Anyway, it's something my children or grandchildren can read and have~ who knows what the Internet will be like by then!
Nap-time is almost over now and the kiddos are waking up so back to life as I know it now.
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