How amazing to be engaged in a life I once was fully a part
of and am now re-entering as a new creature with new perspectives and goals.
It’s unbelievably difficult to look in from the outside of situations I was
once submerged in and witness the tangled knots and danger lurking about when
there is absolutely nothing I can do but stand back and observe; continuing to
absorb lessons to apply to my own choices in life. I can offer the support and
love to good friends as they struggle through, deeply understanding that
everyone is on their own journey, reaching for their own stars. In tango we all
strive to be the best we can be, as best we know how. In any one dance, I could
believe that my partner is giving his absolute best, which might be entirely and
obscurely different from another dancer’s highest potential. It’s truly
incredible how our lives are so complex and yet led by our own daily decisions,
perspectives and desires.
I had an amazingly successful yard sale this weekend, which I'll be using to fund the needs of my tummy this month. I'm incredibly grateful to all the wonderful people here who made it possible. I'm also grateful it's over! It was fun to interact with all of Ashland's yardsalers who followed my superman signs and chalk encouragements in main intersections! I also enjoyed appealing to the scavengers at the end once everything was left out for free before I took a grand total of FOUR boxes to goodwill (This felt so satisfying after having such a huge yard full of stuff to begin with!) I think there was much happiness overall. *If you want help doing a yard sale, let me know! ;)
My most current actions include gathering random jobs here and there and catching up with wonderful friends. It's strange to imagine the time spans ahead separating me from beautiful people who are on adventures themselves! I'm soaking up the time I have with sweet Steph who's been such an amazing friend to me as well as an inspiration to live life by my heart's desire! Tonight she and I had dinner with Mimi and Papa and it was precious to have her reflect on how sweet they are. I am so lucky to have them! I really feel so much gratitude for my family. My mom made a wonderful dinner for us all this weekend and I felt so happy and loved at the table with the ever-familiar faces of the people who raised me (and who I've watched grow up.) And was it ever delicious! I've been enjoying the freedom of making choices in the moment like having tea with my AnT, instead of dragging my exhausted self to a milonga that I was sad to miss, but I knew would have been a hazard on the dance floor! There have been so many beautiful moments of this adventure in Ashland. I've gone for hikes, had tea dates, locked myself out of my car (yes, already!) had lots of opportunities for reflection, processing, forgiveness and many giggles!! It has been a beautiful experience to redefine my relationships now as I reconnect with friends from inside my new boots.
I've got my heart set on South America this summer, somehow
or another and am in the process of finding a place to land and make a little
cash for the trip. As much as I thought of being in the Bay Area as my next base, especially because I didn't have the attachments of job, house,
relationship in Ashland, I’m feeling so comfortable and happy in the sweet town I've called home for most of my adult life. There are many ghosts to
encounter and challenges to overcome, but those lurk everywhere. Really, the
ghosts are within and I know I can’t avoid them, only face them. I don’t know
how my adventures seem from an outside perspective, but sometimes travelers appear to be running from the commitments of life, where I feel like I’m
dancing towards the joys! The standard lifestyle is settle, fill your space
with things, get a “real” job and play house. But it doesn't fit right now! I
want to keep exploring and discovering and learning! Ashland is an amazingly
safe place to explore those ideas as a transitioning plateau, and yet there are
beautiful things drawing me to the Bay Area. I’m continuing to debate, but for
now, I’m incredibly grateful for the job opportunities and generosity of this
community!
