I spent the first couple weeks adjusting to the time zone and reconnecting with my loving family in the Bay Area. I'm absolutely amazed at how brilliant my guide-daughter is!! She's not even two yet and she's incredibly in tune with the world. She and I had a twenty minute conversation (no joke!) dissecting the song Hush Little Baby. Astounding little person. And I love her so! It's also been great to connect with the rest of my family. They're all still the same wonderful people they've always been and yet a year plays quite a role in a persons life. I know I've also shifted as well and it's good to reestablish those relationships. There is still much to learn from these people who are the foundation of my life. And much to understand about who I am because of what they've passed on to me!
The physical exploration of opening boxes I sealed a year ago has perfectly reflected the dynamics and relationships I'm revisiting now in Ashland. I was apprehensive upon my return and it wasn't until the woman transporting me from Berkeley took the wrong exit leading us to drive all the way through town by the main street that I understood those emotions. I was washed over with a wave of my memories and experiences from within every crevice of this sweet little town. A year ago I packed up everything and left to find myself. I basically boxed up who I was and either sold it or put it in storage for later examinations to go dive into the rest of my adventurous spirit! I don't know that I've "found myself" but I've certainly evolved into a new woman with nourishment from my roots being in all kinds of experiences. So returning to the life of the person I was before has been a fascinating process to examine. I'm really establishing that which is still part of who I am and recognizing what I can let go of. And it's a huge relief!
I am thrilled to say that tango has happily embedded itself into my heart and blossomed in a wonderful way! I feel strong, grounded and graceful in my dance and it was amazing to experience at Valentango this past weekend. I came into the weekend feeling like it was another adventure waiting for me to hop on board and had little expectations beyond that. I am incredibly grateful that the foundation of my experience was with three incredible women in very small spaces (a car, a hotel room, a cluster of chairs in a crowded ballroom.) I opened my heart to these ladies and embraced theirs as well! There were many stories, much laughter and song, exorbitant goofiness and a deep nourishing presence of love and support throughout the weekend. Going out to dance was the cherry on top of an already scrumptious sundae! Tango has some intense dynamics to it, which I am fortunately conscious of and I was able to face and absorb them. I enjoyed some incredible dances; I actually don't think I had any bad tandas. There was one night of dancing that was just okay, but the evening itself was thick with it's own treasures. I'm in a beautiful space of recognizing the "good" as well as the "bad" as beneficial to my growth and understanding. And I'm so grateful for my experiences and processing, especially with the support of the amazing women in my life. I also enjoyed making new friends at the festival and connecting with people I'd only briefly encountered before. I loved the excitement of getting ready with the girls, the thrill of the cabeceo connections, the swooning scents captured in each breath against my partner's body, the immense satisfaction of connection with heartbeat and bassline, and the absolute ridiculousness of dancing myself silly until 6am. As I've slowly come down from my festival high, I've been dreamily contemplating all the tango adventures of my future. I'm also loving catching up with the amazing Ashland tango community who I shared so much of my life with before I left!
I'm currently in the adventure of sorting through my old life and planning my new one. Where do I want to land and get a job? Do I really need these jars? Where should I print the pictures for my Australia scrapbook? Could all this dust kill me!? Would you like to dance? What should I make for breakfast? Have I been drinking enough water? Where are my pants!? Haha, yup, that's my life right now! Amusing, soothing and ridiculously perfect. I love where I am at and the ideas I have about where I'm headed (even if they are as fluffy and translucent as the bubbles in the bath.) Life in Ashland is beautiful right now and that's all I can ask for!
If you're in Ashland this weekend come by my yard sale on 5th St. where I'm offering treasures in exchange for currency to fund the most current adventures of my life!
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