Coming back.
It's unreal how much my perspective has changed and returning to "my old life" has been a bit shocking. I suppose it's not all that different from culture shock, it just that these are my homegrown perspectives and choices that I've submerged myself into (again.) It's amazing to me the things I've taken for granted or accepted blindly because I grew up in the nature of it, understanding it as normal. It's very refreshing to have an outside perspective on the culture, traditions, beliefs and desires of the life I was living. Being immersed in another culture and experiencing so many different ways that individual human beings choose to live and love was absolutely fascinating.
While actually "living someone else's life"(see: Somebody That I Used to Know) is not preferable as a permanent lifestyle, it does create a chance for insight and reflection on my own choices and beliefs. And obviously it gives me a chance to build on my understanding of the world, from what a Celiac needs to pay attention to in order to care for herself, to drinking vinnie as a means of daily immune support, or cutting roses before the bud so it can grow properly. Basically living in other people's worlds, which ironically are all coexistent on One Planet, broadens my understanding of humanity. It's an extremely large burden/gift (depending on your perspective) to accumulate so many perspectives making me realize the true meaning of: The more you know, the less you know. In this case it feels like: the more you experience the more confusing it is to define what's "right." But it's like my friends at Common Ground said, the most important thing is to follow your heart. I've come to understand that when faced with a multitude of options, I have personally preferred to have a little of each..this doesn't always translate well and I realize my personal truth can only be found by slowing down to listen and trust what I feel is right for me. The beautiful part of that is I also know that everyone else is also entitled to their own truth.
Being in the Bay Area has presented a lot of pressure from "The system." The need to get a job and Be someone has created some anxiety after being in a place where I was experiencing life in a community with "one heart, one mind, one soul." I joined them in making the same recipes, listening to the same music, wearing the same style of clothes, pursuing the same goals. Somehow it was amazingly satisfying to feel part of something with no pressure to prove myself in any superficial ways; only to share my true character openly with trust and the hope to increase in the places where I felt inadequate. Having the focus of everyday be an underlying desire to learn to love and respect the people around me was the best challenge I've ever encountered.
Theres a shiny green hummingbird flitting around the the corner of the backyard! I love the transition to springtime! I've been spending most of my time playing with my sweet guide-daughter, going for gorgeous walks through the neighborhood, picking up cooking techniques, catching up with loved ones and dealing with icky but necessary business-y type things. We took Maren and her playmate to little farm in Tilden Park and fed all the animals earlier in the week. I was pleasantly reminded of the beauty of the Bay Area and all it has to offer in wilderness and landscape. I've spent evening chatting and reflecting on life with my dad until all too late in the night! And had some interesting circumstances with unexpected (and unwanted) visitors! My aunties and I tried to stand together against sugar (replacing dessert one night with fresh cheesy chive biscuits (!?)) and yet we've all failed. There are just too many yummy treats around, especially at Trader Joe's!!
It is wonderful to be back home and really reconnect with some of the most awesome people in my life. I've found my new perspective so valuable in understanding what a true friendship really consists of. Being able to talk non-stop, except for erupted fits of giggling or a pause to reflect on stories is just as fun as silently sharing the space to gaze quietly into nature. Friendship is about being connected and engaged. My favorite form of being connected so far are the welcome back hugs!!!!!! I've also begun to better understand the treasures friends are as mirrors, sounding boards, supporting blocks and stars to reach toward! It's humbling to embrace the understanding that there will always be someone "better" or "worse" at something I can do, but as long as I am truly doing my best, I can feel grounded in it. Having acceptance for each other and embracing differences is the happiest way I can imagine a relationship would flourish.
~*~*~
My dad and I just watched Remember The Titans -which is an incredible movie if you haven't seen it! When I see/read/hear stories about the civil rights movement, I often feel that I wish I had been there. Really though, I am part of that movement, today! The civil rights movement of ALL cultures, religions, races, genders, couples and families to be respected and treated equally. This is obviously not the 1950's. We need everyone to realize that a human is a human is a human; and the heart loves the way it loves; and the spirit is guided in faith; and individual strengths shine beyond physical appearance. I believe in the depths of my heart that the movement of this age is soaring toward unity! President Obama is an inspiration to the world in leading a steadfast nation of extreme diversity to overcome fears and discomfort and to accept the realities of change and progression. I am proud of my father's heritage, I am proud of my mother's leadership, I am proud of my aunties' love, and I am proud of my sisters' faith. My family is rooted in love and I am so grateful for that foundation. I know it is greatly inspired by the unconditional warmth and acceptance of my great grandma Ruby. Her heart still shines today in all her children, her grandchildren, her great-grandchildren and even her great-great-grandchildren! And it will continue to shine and sparkle for years to come as we pass on her legacy by embracing each of our family members and loved ones with the honor every human heart is made of, in the spirit of a consistent, flowing, outpouring of love!
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